Coping with others

So you're assertive!. All is going well until someone comes along and all of a sudden you are faced with…A put down! Criticism! Disagreements! How do you stop people treating you this way? Well the answer is, you can't! You can't change someone else. Here are some tips to protect and look after yourself.

Coping with put-downs
Remember that just because someone says something you don't have to believe it.
Put a stop to the put-down as soon as possible.
Choose to leave the situation. This might take persistence, being open to negotiation or compromise and having the ability to ask for and accept constructive criticism.

Criticism
Usually people react to criticism by avoiding it, taking it to heart or reacting aggressively to it. Criticism can be helpful if it is specific, acknowledges positives, is calm, to the point, doesn't stereotype or label people and is focused on a person's behaviour rather than an attack on the person.

Here are some tips to use criticism assertively
• Face and listen to criticism rather than avoid it.

• Don't take it to heart.
• React calmly and respect others rights, there is no point attacking the person.

• Be prepared for constructive criticism.

See constructive criticism as useful to everyone concerned. Being open to constructive criticism can be tough at first. Remember, you too can make constructive criticism. This does not include blaming, put-downs or attempting to hurt someone to get what you want.

Disagreements
• Negotiate - listen, understand, put yourself in others' shoes and ask for clarificaton.

• Keep calm - deep breaths, take your time, and allow others to express their feelings.

• Be prepared - stick to facts.

• Compromise - try and find a "win-win" solution.